Little Miss Dreamer

Sianz....

I dunno why I've been in this sian mood since I woke up this morning... not in the mood to even lift up the corner of my lips in an attempt to smile... dun feel like talking to anyone and dun feel like doing anything... but no choice still gotta drag myself to school to sit for exam...

After today's paper I still have 2 more papers to go... Shu and WY are over and done with examz... and LW's will be over by Wed... left me mugging all the way til next Fri... boo hoo....

posted by XY @ 3:53 PM

Read something about remembering and missing someone's scent in a friend's blog.. well isn't it so true?? U can forget how someone looks like, u can forget a person's voice, but it's unlikely u forget his scent...

Coz the memory of someone's scent only exist when u are of certain proximity with that someone... probably someone who is very dear to u... it's only when u are so close to the person that his/her smell register in ur mind... and this memory will stay on forever...

I can recognise my dad without looking.. he smells of machine lubricating oil from his sewing machine shop... I can recognise my mum by her smell too...

And I can recognise him by his smell... I don't know how to describe it... probably a mixture of the washing power smell from his clothes and the scent from his body... a scent that is juz strong enough to let me know he's around by my side even without looking... a scent that I can associate with his gentle smile... a scent that flooded my lungs when he gave me one of his big hugs... a scent that bring a warm and fuzzy homely feeling and a sense of security... a smell that is uniquely his...

And probably a scent that I'll never smell again......

posted by XY @ 8:30 PM

Woke up this morning with two faint facial lines in between my eyebrows... think I slept with a frown the entire night...

Yup... I wouldn't say that I'm happy these days... don't feel like sitting for examz... don't feel like sitting for examz and having to squeeze out time for job interview... don't feel like squeezing out time for job interview when it ends up being a total waste of time coz I still haven't land myself in a job yet... I don't even look forward to holiday coz I dunno when this holiday will ever end...

posted by XY @ 4:22 PM

Had my first paper today.. Fixed income securities.. it's one of those paper that is extremely difficult to fail but extremely difficult to score either.. but that doesn't really affect my mood for today...

Now what landed me in this foul mood is really the interview at Phillip... was interviewed by one of the fund manager and then by the big boss... the big boss is Mr Not Nice who keeps emphasising the fact that I'm a greenhorn and have no ground to negotiate for salary... and not only that, he wants me to but placed on temporary job basis for a week as his personal assistant to further evaluate my capability before he gives me an offer.. wah liaoz... and the job is totally doing all sai4 gang1 to earn peanuts lor... wah piangz...

Conclusion for today... I don't really like the ppl at Phillip (except CY who was the fund manager who interviewed me for the first round).. and I don't really like their office (which is darn small and messy).. and I don't like their attitude (the "I-have-many-candidates-to-choose-from-and-I-don't-give-a-damn-to-greenhorn-like-u-and-I-am-not-gonna-pay-u-good-money" attitude)... so it looks like after 8 interviews I'm still not getting a job...

But guess God is a good God that don't drive ppl to dead end... Benjamin from MHA (this rather skinny but soft-spoken gentleman I met last week during the aplitude test) called me up for an interview on Thu (the 9th!!)... maybe I should juz make sure I perform on Thu and be a civil servant... at least earn more than that sai4 gang1 job and have more free time for myself...

After my interview at Phillip I actually bumped into Justin (SK's housemate Jake's brother who used to sing hokkien songs with SK and Jake) at the lift lobby... He's going to work at Phillip too... starting next month I think... surprise surprise... hope he'll do OK there.. at least he won't be under Mr Not Nice..

posted by XY @ 6:23 PM

Good news and bad news...

Bad news is: I didn't manage to get the CAO job afterall... so in the end they still choose some SIM ppl with work experience over greenhorn like me.... sigh... all I can say it's their loss... =P

Good news: Went for interview at Phillip Capital today... the interviewer, who is my potential superior, seems like she quite like me... and I'm confirmed a 2nd interview with the managing director next week... if all go well I'll working as temp there after my exam and will be offered contract after my final results are out... hope will get this job!!

posted by XY @ 8:16 PM

Getting kind of anxious over the result of my CAO interview.. they said the results would be out in 2 weeks to a month's time... now it's been 3.5 weeks... getting preety paranoid and been keeping an eye on my handphone all day... and opening the mailbox is becoming one of the most scary chores I have to do each day...

And this morning I woke up with this lousy thought that maybe they've made the offer to someone else already... they haven't send the rejection letter to me but they'll send it once that person sign contract... and all I can do is to wait for the rejection letter to come...

And the fact that LW got offered already is kind of rubbing in to the situation... no doubt I'm happy for her that she's getting a job in a reputable firm... and I know there's no basis of comparison coz the labour demand in her industry is different from mine... but it kind of add on to the anxiety that I'm already having... when will I ever get offered?? and that is, after sitting for close to 15 tests and attended 6 interviews (and my 7th interview is juz 2 days away)??

Ppl say market is getting better... but why is it that even the bank that I was attached to during internship is closing down its Singapore operation?? and mind u it's a reputable foreign bank which is one of the top in its hometown... now there are more ppl out there fighting for jobs with us greenhorns... sighz...

When will this madness ever end??

posted by XY @ 12:40 AM

1 more week to the start of examz.. but I'm already planning all the post-exam activities already....

1. KTV with Jac and gang
2. Eunice's birthday chalet
3. Go swimming everyday
4. Watch Budak Pantai at Bluemoo

In short I juz wanna SLACK!!!

Coz it's been a long long time since I last had a proper holiday... last holiday was spent on final year project... and the previous one I was at some bank doing attachment...

Can't wait.... Lalala... I'm already in the holiday mood.... =P

posted by XY @ 10:53 AM

Which song do you think is the most romantic ballad ever??

I used to think "If" by Bread is really great.. remember a closed friend of mine performed this song with a girl he liked back in JC days... the guy was suppose to play the guitar while the girl sing... oh man he practised so hard... for that girl's sake...

Now "Change the world" by Eric Clapton is my cup of tea...

How on earth someone can write a song THIS romantic?? I really admire the three guys who wrote the song... it's juz so expressive... If anyone ever sing this song to me I'll juz melt...

Change The World
by Tommy Sims, Gordon Kenney and Wayne Kirkpatrick

If I can reach the stars,
Pull one down for you,
Shine it on my heart
So you could see the truth:

That this love I have inside
Is everything it seems.
But for now I find
It's only in my dreams.

And I can change the world,
I will be the sunlight in your universe.
You would think my love was really something good,
Baby if I could change the world.

And if I could be king,
Even for a day,
I'd take you as my queen;
I'd have it no other way.

And our love would rule
This kingdom we had made.
Till then I'd be a fool,
Wishing for the day...

That I can change the world,
I would be the sunlight in your universe.
You would think my love was really something good,
Baby if I could change the world.
Baby if I could change the world.

I could change the world,
I would be the sunlight in your universe.
You would think my love was really something good,
Baby if I could change the world.
Baby if I could change the world.
Baby if I could change the world.

The first time I came across this song is actually an a capella version by budak pantai... at first I thought the lyrics were a little on the mushy side... then over time I realise it takes REAL courage for a man to express his love this explicitly... and it's really something if a man can sing this sone and really mean it...

I hope some day a man like this will come along... ^^

posted by XY @ 8:36 PM

Had my last tutorial today... though I'm suppose to attend a Strategic Management revision lecture by Joseph Wan next week... anyway it's OK.. coz he's my favourite teacher for this semester... He's witty and funny... his lessons are alwayz so interesting with his funny analogies... here's some of them...

Husband and Wife and Military Rank

Joseph Wan's wife: [asking Joseph Wan] So where do I stand in this family?

Joseph Wan: If u are the General, I'm very willing to be your Major??

Joseph Wan's wife: So what about that??

Joseph Wan: As the rank suggest, U make general decisions, I make major decisions.

Growth-Diversification vs Defensive-Diversification

When doing a SWOT analysis, firms with high strength and opportunities should pursue a growth strategy, which can be a growth-diversification strategy (among other strategies like market penetration and all that) which is usually an aggressive related diversification. If the firm have high strength and threat would opt for a diversification strategy which is defensive and usually unrelated.

An analogy of these two types of diversification strategies can be illustrated by the love life of a handsome guy. When he is young and energetic, he would take on a growth-diversification strategy. He'll aggressively pursue and date many pretty girls and is all out to have fun. As he grow older (and hence threat arise from competition by other younger handsome guys) he may switch to a defensive diversification strategy where he diversifies to another type of women who's the wife material type so he can settle down.

Two Major Power in Offices that U should never Overlook

One of them is the secretary to the big boss. If u offend her, chances are U'll never be scheduled to see ur boss when U urgently need to see him.

The other one would be the office boy/dispatch boy. The last thing U wanna do is to scold him. Coz he may juz sabo U by banking the cheque late or making mistakes purposely on the bank-in slip that cause ur cheque to be bounced back. After he has successully sabo U, if U still wanna scold him, he may juz reply, "I'm stupid what... if I am smarter than U then I would be doing ur job instead!!"

posted by XY @ 9:36 PM

Currently reading "Man and Boy" by Tony Parsons... Ok ok ok.... don't scream... I know i should be reading lecture notes now... this book is my leisure reading.... u know... a book to read before u go to sleep and maybe when u go to the loo... that kind...

Quite an interesting read... The first few pages is about the how this guy feel about his thirtieth birthday which is about to come in a month's time...

"That's what thirty should be - grown-up without being disappointed, settled without being complacent, worldly wise, but not so worldly wise that you feel like chucking yourself under a train. The time of your life."

But some of the twenty-somethings nowadays (maybe even some teenagers) are already disappointed, getting complacent, and alwayz attempting to chuck themselves under MRT or maybe LRT... and they haven't even reach "the time of their lives" to be able to say "I've experience the fullness of life and can't die without regret"!!

I don't ever wanna be like them...

By the time I am thirty (which is 6 years plus from now)... I wanna

Settle down with a family... a loving hubby and two kids... yah two is enough... I don't intend to have a basketball team or something... two is good... they can play badminton and entertain each other...

Continue to work hard and be independent... women don't need to be a 100% reliant on their men... any woman who thinks so need a brainwash...

Continue to have fun... yah man I still wanna go out with other girl friends... shopping and latte-drinking... maybe KTV too (with Jac and gang)... who says a married woman has to be at home all the time??

I wanna continue picking up new stuff... maybe I'll take up some serious cooking when I'm thirty... anytime before that my family would have to stick with my fried rice and fried tomato with luncheon meat and egg...

I wanna continue to do some of those crazy things I do once in a while.... dye my hair red!!! pierce another ear hole!!!

So many things I wanna do!!!

Whahahahaha... I am a queen of wishful thinking!!!

But... but... all these will wait.... let me go back to mugging first.... Political economic of East Asia... Blehz....

posted by XY @ 9:57 AM

Juz had my LAST lecture of my uni life today... beginning to feel a little sentimental... and next Fri's gonna be my LAST tutorial... and I'm currently working on my LAST report and LAST presentation... and also mugging for my LAST examz...

And I've been so busy that I've juz realize that my LAST lecture is already over.. and I've only realized it like 5 min ago...

posted by XY @ 7:03 PM

Lazy me... log on once to write two entries.. for yesterday and today.. =P

1 April 2004 (Thu)

Skipped class to mug for my fixed income securities quiz... was so bored went to play piano in the afternoon... was playing some of the old songs which I used to play... was playing and playing and before I know it I was playing "zhui" by Leslie Cheung... managed to play the entire piece without having to dig out the score... this is really rare... and when I was playing the last few bars I suddenly remebered that it's Leslie Cheung's death anniversary..

2 April 2004 (Fri)

Went to watch "The Passion of the Christ" today... How can someone endure so much shame/pain/accusation/emotional and mental and physical torture when He Himself is innocent?? I'm really deeply touched...

But I didn't cry... surprisingly...

Is there something wrong with my eyes?? They juz don't seem to work when I'm touched/sad... juz like the last time when a close friend left for overseas studies... I was sad... but there wasn't a single drop of tear... weird.. I think I better go for eye check-up one of these day...

posted by XY @ 10:52 PM