Little Miss Dreamer

Been talking alot to my Mum these few days while my Dad's away in HK... After a long talk with my Mum yesterday I finally realise the reason behind the past failure in my love life...

Basically I've been looking for love in the wrong kind of ppl... ppl who r not suitable for me as a partner...

In the past I used to look for guys ard my age... ppl I can associate with... have fun with... so I end up falling for some so-called "playmate" instead...

I don't deny that I enjoy their company... but a partner is really much more than that... they eventually fall short of my expectation I get disappointed... but I couldn't tell what went wrong...

My Mum mentioned that I'm more mature than ppl of my age... hence I need an older and more mature partner...

There and then I realise that the root of the past failure is that the ppl I fell for are ppl ard my age who are often less mature than I am.. the end result being that they can often ask me for advices but when I face problems, I'm can't rely on them... in time when I do well they can celebrate with me, but they can't keep my feet on the ground and make sure I don't become proud.. these are the things that I need in a relationship, yet they can't give...

What an enlightenment... Think I need to talk to my Mum more often...

posted by XY @ 10:21 PM

Sunshine after the rain... finally....

My friend patched up with her boyfriend within 48 hours.. amazing how guys can ask for a break-up now and ask for a patch-up the next moment... whatever it is, I'm glad that they are back together... but my friend and I came to this conclusion that guys do have PMS... Periodical Mental/emotional-disorder Symptom.. they will be strong (or at least try to be) when things happen and bottle-up their negative feelings and insecurity... then one sunny and stormless day they blow up for no reason...

Men are difficult to understand...

"Women are even more difficult to understand~!!!"... yah I hear that....

Yah Yah I don't deny the fact that sweet girls can turn into scary creatures in times of PMS... but no choice mah... u can't blame the girls... blame it on the hormones...

SK had his share of the effect of my PMS last nite... was having PMS plus feeling tired and stressed by my thesis and readings and projects and tutorials last nite when he icq-ed me saying he wanna help to review my resume... then he started giving me this "job-hunting 101" lecture when I was struggling with my Financial Modelling project... I know really nice of him to volunteer to help... I mean he's one of the very few ppl ard who talk to me every other day to show concern... even when he's miles away in Sydney.. then again I was in a very sulky mood then... think I sounded kinduv bochup and sarcastic when he gave his advices... which made me feel really bad afterward... but I really didn't mean to be bad to him... it's PMS lor...

So a very good suggestion to guys is that take note of the cycle of the girls ard u!! or at least ur girlfriend... that will save u a lot of unnecessary agony... confirm+guarantee!! I know of a guy who does that.. he says it's really effective becoz he knows that it's "that time of the month" and he'll not take anything negative said or done by his girlfriend personally... and it'll serve to avoid misunderstanding.... so guys try it yah?

posted by XY @ 9:52 PM

Things are most likely to happen when they seem to be least likely to happen.....

Was in my financial modelling class this morning when a friend icq-ed me to say she's juz broke up with her 4-year-plus boyfriend... when I thought the two of them are the most stable couple in among my circle of friends.... they've been thru son much up and down together and I thought things are beginning to get better for them... and the reason for the break-up is juz so trivial compared to what they've been thru... the guy said the girl is better and stronger than him in so many ways... his ego can't take it....

Male's ego.... what crapz...

Come on guys can u wake up ur idea?!?! Surely each individual has his/her own strengths and weaknesses... u can't really say a person is better than another person in everything... there is sure something that u r better in... perhaps it is something that is seldom shown or something that is not quantifiable, but it still exists!!!

"She's too perfect... I'm not so perfect..." sounds familiar?? we hear that all the time... I've even heard a guy saying that about me... I don't understand men.... if the girl is no good, they don't want the girl... when a good girl come along, they are afraid that the girl outshine them...

Hear this and hear this well... strong and capable girls do need ppl to shower love and care on them... they need ppl to support them... what's so great if u can achieve something big yet ppl ard u juz heck care and think that it's simply something expected out of u?? and worse still to have ppl to start thinking that u are "up there" and stay away from u coz they are not in ur league?? Girls don't need wimps ard them saying "I really like u but I'm not good enough for u..."

So stop being a selfish jerk and for goodness sake dump that so-called "male ego" thing down the rubbish chute...

Yesh... and stop using male ego as some stupid excuses for break-ups... if the feeling is gone, juz say so!! ur crappy excuses won't make things better...

posted by XY @ 4:24 PM

My CG's multiplication plan is released today... at long last... except some small surprises/shocks overall it is pretty much as expected... so I'm gonna be with the "older" ppl in the CG... well I guess it's better for me... can't really communicate with kids nowadays... generation gap... blehz... and I think I'm gonna be greater help to those ppl ard my age... basically different ppl are suited to do different things according to the gifts God's placed in their lives... can't have the whole world doing the same thing and neglecting the others...

Well well spoke to SK yesterday online abt job hunting... he said on average ppl send out 40 resumes b4 they clinch a job... wow... looks like I have way to go... and nowadays there are plenty of funny stuff to go thru b4 u get to see the interviewers... applitude test lah assessment centre lah... and I've already been rejected by 3 banks... got one which even gave me an "immediate failure" after the online test... so mean!!

And as usual my FYP is STILL giving me big headache... now all I hope is to be able to survive til 13 March to submit my report....

posted by XY @ 11:11 PM

Lazy me haven't been blogging for days... actually not that I'm lazy to blog but I'm REALLY busy lately... FYP lor... what's new??

Yah yah today is Chinese New Year... not really into the new year mood though... probably becoz I don't need to visit relatives... no relative in Singapore anyway... spent the morning doing FYP and went for a movie with my mum and sis in the afternoon... watched "Magic Kitchen" by Sammi Cheng and Jerry Yan... quite nice... kinduv draggy in the beginning but things get better in the later half of the show... Sammi and Jerry look fabulous in the show... and the director added some pretty twists to some minor parts of the story but they really make the show more lively.... Hmm... should have a 3 1/2 star rating...

Haiz... better go do my stuff and have an early rest tonite... been having late nites turning into a panda real soon... plus I promised my mum to cook breakfast for the family tmr!!

posted by XY @ 7:23 PM

*Yawn* Super tiring day... had lesson early in the morning at 8.30am... thank God had WY's uncle to give me a lift... so had the leisure of being dropped right outside my lecture theatre.. haha...

Yesh and I found some incentive to attend this morning lecture... there was this group of exchange students from Europe... and most of them are quite shuai4!! there's one who even looks like Brad Pitt!! Ok so there's at least some "viewing pleasure" for the next 12 weeks!! Yay!!

And I was being called to answer question during lecture... in a lecture group of at least 600 ppl!! the probability is really low lor... and somemore i was chosen for a crappy reason... the lecturer said, "can that girl in white answer the question?? I choose her becoz she looks happy!!"... blehz... =P

Aiyah muz work on my thesis liao... ciaoz....

posted by XY @ 10:00 PM

Been real busy these few days!! My thesis is driving me nuts... sometimes I wonder why I actually agreed to my prof's suggestion to do this topic... it is 10 times more work than a typical FYP... all I want now is to quickly finish it and dump it on my prof desk and say "show me the distinction!!!"... Haiz... whatever it is thank God that my project partners are going all the way with me...

On a lighter note Daniel did this pretty impressive forum for my CG... for us to share abt stuff on our Bible reading, prayer request, and all that... really cool... hope that more of the CG ppl will contribute on the forum... btw the url is:

http://s3.invisionfree.com/bible_study_group

Check it out man... it's really cool... all thanks to Daniel's hardwork!!

Btw got myself this Clinque 3-step cleansing thingy to "save my face"... used to hear praise from others abt my skin but I've been hearing less recently... guess it's time for some maintenance... haha... hope it works!!

posted by XY @ 11:06 PM

Today marks the end of my last holiday and the beginning of my last semester in NTU... all of a sudden I begin to appreciate life as a student... then again this feeling didn't last long... my afternoon Political Economy of East Asia lecture killed my mood... it was so so so so boring... and becoz i was notified only this morning that i have been transferred to this afternoon's lecture group as they closed the class i signed up for, i didn't bring my lecture notes... and the lecturer made it worse by not preparing any presentation slides... so he stood there and talk and talk and talk WITHOUT using mic!!! haiz.. only managed to sit thru half a lecture b4 i decided to go home and read the notes on my own...

Well at least the earlier Financial Modelling class was better... but everyone was kinduv quiet... maybe becoz it's monday and it's a 8.30am class... and only 11 ppl turned up for the class!! But the good thing is that I met Olivia there... she's this girl from my church's NTU ministry.. spoke to her on the phone b4.. glad that we finally met... and there's this exchange student from Hong Kong.. it's always nice to meet ppl from ur hometown... *smilez* and then there is this SUPER courageous 1st year Accountancy guy in the class... Ha ha... hardly any final year student dare to take this course (in fact there are only 3 banking students in this surposingly banking class) and here he is taking it as a general elective!!!! even my prof got a shock!! Though overall everyine is a little quiet but guess they r all pretty nice ppl... u noe, those quiet type but will smile at u when u look at them...

Oh yah!! today i made my FIRST visit to the library red spot section!! Hahaha... what a good first time experience in my last semester... went there to borrow textbook to zap... feel very studious... *cheap thrill*

Hmm... better do some preparation for my FYP meeting later... meeting Shu and WY at Compass Point...

posted by XY @ 5:55 PM

Think I'm getting into the ready-for-term-to-start mood... actually doing my readings for next week... wah not bad... sounds like a true blue mugger... all the training in NTU hasn't been in vain yah... haha...

so excited~ going for Pst Sun's concert later... already hearing news from Darshan who was at the rehearsal yesterday that it's gonna be super good!! Finally it's time for me to have fun... been doing my FYP and mugging the entire morning... actually had to use 2 computers to do my FYP... one for running regression and the other for keying in the regression results into Excel for further analysis... look at 2 screens at the same time i think it's juz so kua1 zhang1... and not bad, I could even talk to Irene on ICQ at the same time!! Multi-tasking--God's gift to all women on earth... and all the women says "Amen!!!"....

Hmmm... shall get ready to go out... gonna pick up some stuff b4 I go and meet my CG for dinner.... ciaoz~

posted by XY @ 3:35 PM

Haiyah my mum juz went to bathe... no one to accompany me... arghz....

Since I am so bored I shall tell u the embarassing thing that happened the other night.. nowadays when my brother is in camp I would bring my laptop over to his room to do work til late at nite... usually I'll close the doors of the other rooms so the light won't shine into their rooms... then the other night my mum was complaining that her room is too hot so I closed my brother's room's door instead and left the other doors opened... then I sorta assumed that the my sis will leave the door to our room opened as well... then abt 1 or 2am when I wanted to go back my own room, the considerate me tried to switched off all the light b4 opening the door and getting outta my brother's room... then guess what?! it was so dark that I didn't realise that my own room's door is closed and i walked into it head on!! *ouch* it was soooo painful!! *sobz* and my forehead was a little swollen for a while.... thank God it didn't last long.... then the next day when I told my mum about it then she said she recalled this loud bang in the middle of the night... so malu!! my mum practically laughed her head off.... so unsympathetic.... arghz....

Hmmm.... shall go and disturb other ppl online... in this restless mode now... can't help... =P

posted by XY @ 11:20 PM

*Yawn* super tiring day.... ran 300 over regressions in one day... more to go in the next 1 week... why is FYP so tough?? moral of the story... slack supervisor doesn't mean slack research....

Well well well... downloading the 30 days trial for SPSS now.... then I don't need to go school to do all the statistical stuff.... this download is taking forever man... i'm already using broadbank liao lor.... super super bored now and no one is online to chat with me... =(

Ok lah at least had a little chat with Ben on the phone juz now... he juz came back from Taiwan... sounds like he had great fun there.... and that's good!! coz it'll so sad if u travel overseas and don't enjoy urself.... I also wanna go overseas!!! So many places I wanna go... Taiwan is one of them... i wanna go New Zealand, East Europe, Bali, and so many more!! Now that's a good motivation to work hard and earn $$... haha~

Ok the download is only 44% completed.... way to go.....

Hmmm... go watch TV and chit chat with my mum for a while... ta ta...

posted by XY @ 10:52 PM

Looks like Blogger is working again... great!!

Today is the beginning of add/drop period for subject registration... more horror stories... ok it's kind of expected that the online registration system will hang and stuff... took me 20 min to add a module... the system hang so many times that I have to switch to the registration hotline... and the hotline is super difficult to get thru coz everyone is calling when the online system hang.. At least I was the fastest among the three to get the module... Poor WY was struggling with the comp and the handphone at the same time only to receive error message like wrong PIN number... and end up we have to use three handphones to keep calling until we can get thru the hotline for WY... Thank God it's the last time I'm doing it....

Went to meet Shufen and Johnathon for lunch at PS after that... it's been so so so long since I last met Shufen... She's still the same old Shufen that giggles all the time... laughed my head off when she was telling us all the funny experienced she had in the States... How she acted blur and spoke in chinese when some ang mo comes along and disturb her... everyone knows she can't speak chinese lor... hahaha... We gonna meet up again next week to go KTV!! looking forward to it... sure gonna be fun singing with them.... can't wait for it.... I wanna sing!! Lalala~

posted by XY @ 4:43 PM

Hmmm.. think there's somethign wrong with Blogger... can't view my blog.. anyway i shall continue writing and hopefully the Blogger ppl will fix it real soon...

Went for Deutsche Bank's interview this morning... the whole thing was surprisingly casual.. it's the first time I attended an interview which I can laugh throughout with the interviewers... more like chit-chat than interview... Once I stepped into the room the 2 interviewers started cracking jokes about them being harmless ppl... overall it was an enjoyable experience...

More job lobangs coming up... there's this investment bank that's planning to expand its Singapore operation... another consultancy firm is hiring as well.. gonna apply for both... Hee...

Din get the prescribe elective module that I wanted... wanted to take Financial Economics actually but not allocated a place.. need to apply for another one during the subject registration add/drop period... think i'm going to take service marketing... should be able to get coz there are still 20 vacancies left... at least marketing modules are easier than business law modules... if all else fail I would have to take consumer law... which I don't want... last semester liao then taking such difficult module... super risky....

posted by XY @ 12:37 AM

Juz bought the book "Extravagant Worship" by Darlene Zschech yesterday... already at chapter 2... really a good read!! Especially the part where Darlene wrote about how believers should make "extravagant worship" their lifestyle.. be extravagant not juz with praising God but in EVERYTHING we do for Him..

Going for job interview at Deutsche tmr... Don't think that I'll really get the job but it's more for the experience... brushing up my interview skill and stuff... Juz gonna do my best... God will handle the rest... *grinz*

Talking about interview... better go check out how to get to that place b4 i forget again... don't really have a sense of direction... hopefully I won't get lost tmr... =P

posted by XY @ 8:32 PM

Had lunch with Shiyun today at this Indian restaurant in Excelsior Hotel.. it's a buffet that's "eat as u want and pay as u feel"... this idea is really something new!! They serve vegetarian food and it taste not bad... not too spicy which is good for me.. else my face will sure turn red!! but then the variety is rather limited... and apparently they have this buffet as the fund raising project for charity.. even the waiters are volunteers!!

Went church for service after that... 1st service of the year!! Pastor Kong preached about goal setting.. old sermon actually but good messages are worth listening to again and again!! Goal setting is juz so important.. as pastor alwayz says: "If u fail to plan, u plan to fail"... hmmm... time for me to do some planning too... wanna finish up the rest of my Bible studies this year.. wanna give more Bible studies and disciple others too... and if God's willing, hopefully I'll get attached this year!! turning 23 soon guess it's time yah.. was tpraying and thinking about it the other day and today pastor mentioned something about wanting to get involved personally in getting the singles in church attached some time in the 2nd half of the year... my prayer is answered!! Hallelujah~

Quite tired.. think i'm gonna rest earlier tonite and wake up early tmr to do my stuff.. coz gonna go celebrate Adrian's bday tmr afternoon... Shall pen off here... Nitez nitez!!

posted by XY @ 11:57 PM

Another busy day doing my FYP... but really thank God for great project partners like Shu and WY.. they never fail to brighten up my day with their crappy jokes... guess these shall be the most memorable days of my uni life...

Think they are having some International debate thingy on campus... been seeing lotsa foreigners around... feel a little weird coz the way they look at us is like the way ppl watch the animals in zoo... tried to behave and not to talk and laugh so loud like some crazy girls as we alwayz do... blehz....

Feel very "in demand" today... coz everybody wanna invite me to go out tmr!! first is Shiyun who wanna meet up for lunch before she goes back to Perth... then my VJChoir kakis asked me out for KTV... and my Mum and my Sis wanna ask me to go Chinatown to watch the CNY light-up (plus the 1st legal fire cracker in Singapore in God knows how many years)... and my church service is tmr as well!! too bad a person can't be at 2 places at the same time... So in the end the plan is to meet Shiyun tmr and then we'll go for service together.....

Time to do work.... brought my FYP stuff home to do.... better be a good girl and start doing it... else gonna burn midnight oil again and end up with panda eyes... yuckz!!

posted by XY @ 9:17 PM

Juz came back from the first cell group meeting of the year!!! It's our thanksgiving cell group... great to see everyone there and the whole CG is so family-like... guess it's probably one of the last few times that we are all having cell group meeting together... coz my CG is gonna multiply soon... Yay!!! really excited abt it... hope I'll be able to rise up and serve God more in the new CG!!

Well... it's amazing that how God can blow my blues away so quickly... 3 days ago something hit me so badly that I thought I'll be forever be "haunted" by it... I found out that a friend whom i trusted so much was actually hiding alot of things from me.. and it's been going on for months... when I first found out abt me I was really traumatised.. the whole idea juz scares me... badly...

But as I lift it up to God, God's beginning to heal that wound in my heart... and I can start the new year full of expectancy of the great things that He's going to do in my life this yr... and He leaves me with this lesson: my hope is in Him, not in ppl around me.. humans are not perfect afterall... ppl u trust in can manipulate ur trust... but God will not... and no matter what He'll be with u and give u a heart to forgive ppl who hurt u... many ppl stop trusting others once their trust is being abused... but I don't wanna be like that... coz i think it's so sad to lead a life without trust.. coz trust is an integral part of loving... to stop trusting is as good as to stop loving...

My greatest aim in life is to love... to love God and to love ppl... *smilez*

posted by XY @ 7:30 PM