Little Miss Dreamer

New Year's coming...

Believing God for a good year ahead... there are many dreamz than I wanna fulfill... Hope that 2004 will be the year that all these good things come to past....

New Year is something to look forward to... I juz wanna stay happy and look forward to God doing wonderful things in my life in 2004... shall put 2003 behind me....

Don't look back....

posted by XY @ 7:11 PM

Still in the traumatised state from last nite... but juz came across this...

God has not promised Skies always blue Flower-strewn pathways All our lives through.

God has not promised Sun without rain Joy without sorrow Peace without pain.

But God did promise Strength for the day Rest for the labor Light for the way.

Grace for the trials Help from above Unfailing sympathy Undying love.

--Annie Johnson Flint

God's still the good ol' God.. I'm not going thru all these for nothing..... and He's with me thru it all....

posted by XY @ 12:00 PM

Cough cough~

Haiz.. supposed to go to school to do FYP today... but all 3 of us are sick.. First was Shu who kept puking.. then WY also fell sick... and I think I got the Tekong cough from my brother who brought it back when he booked out for the weekend.... Don't dare to breath too deeply else it'll trigger off another round of crazy coughing....

Lousy feeling to be sick and be home alone... Feeling miserable... =(

posted by XY @ 11:12 AM

The Christmas drama is finally over~

Can have some rest.. at long last... Been a long week... in church almost every day...

Yah.. and I finally get to watch the drama in front of the stage for once!! not at the back at the choir stand!! was accompanying my sis to watch.. Ha... i think it's really good... esp the crappy parts... so so so funny!!! can't help laughing even I've watched it so many times during the rehearsals...

The baby acting as Baby Jesus is quite amazingly guai1.. never seen him cry b4.. yesh I know they put hear plugs in his ears... but I heard from the backstage ppl that he's really good.... neva cry or give them trouble... so r the kids from children church acting as the sheeps... if only next time my kids can be so cute and adorable and obedient...

But I guess the drama really bring across the msg that Jesus is the reason for the season.. Like what Pastor said: Celebrating Christmas without knowing Christ is like going for a birthday party without knowing who the birthday boy is..

Received an sms from a friend who's away for holiday... *surprise surprise* Good to know that I'm not forgotten by a friend who's having a good time out there.. =P

Ok ok... shall cut the crapz... very tired.... shall rest early....

posted by XY @ 9:38 PM

Juz came back from my JC choir carolling cum reunion session at Raffles Hotel.. great to see all the old friends, seniors and juniors... For some of us it's the only time that we see each other for the year... but it's amazing how the love for singing still bind us close together....

So funny... went to meet some of them at suntec b4 hand.. then the 7 of us all squeezed onto YX's car to head toward Raffles Hotel.. in the end Jac gotta sit on Ivy and Shimin's laps... and apparently YX's car got a record of having 9 ppl on it at one shot... wonder how they did it... haha....

After the bumpy and "exciting" ride in YX's car we finally made it to Raffles Hotel lobby... it was so super crowded with ppl... think they really sang well today... and quite proud of myself that I could still remember the parts and sing along with them... and yes kids alwayz do funny things during the final carolling session at Raffles each year... there's this big carpet in the middle of the hotel lobby where kids love to play ard at... one year there's this kid that crawl across the lobby in the midst of the carollong... this year even more funny... this kid was lying on the carpet... at first she was still rolling ard... by the time the choir sand Silent Night she fell asleep... and later she slept thru all the other pcs even lively ones like Ding Dong Merrily on High... Ha ha.....

After that was a great time of catching up with one another... so happy to know that my favouraite senior Terr juz won some "Most Promising Conductor" Award... so proud of him!! guo ran never waste my effort to be the faithful member of his "fan club" Ha~

Finally get some rest after all the rehearsals and performance for the church Christmas drama... tmr is my off day!! finally can stay home and rest... =P

posted by XY @ 7:16 PM

Ho Ho Ho~ Merry Christmas!!!

Juz had the 1st round of Christmas drama performance in church... not bad lah i would say.... should have 80 out of 100 marks... well... thank God most of the stuff went smoothly during the actual performance.... coz at 1st there were quite a number of technical problems.... 1st was the revolving stage set got spoiled and had to be repaired... then was the wireless mic giving problems.... and it happened during the final dry run.... quite scary.... but God is good that He made sure that everything was working at the actual performance... *smilez*

Well... gonna sleep liao.... gotta report to church at 8am tmr..... nitez and sweet dreamz to me... =)

posted by XY @ 12:11 AM

Yay!!!!

After battling with the subject registration system for a good 9 hours I've finally registered all my modules!!! Then again that's the result of me disturbing my undergrad manager for a while... I think she's quite relief that I'm gonna graduate soon and won't give her anymore trouble... She's gonna have some peace at last.. haha~

posted by XY @ 7:54 PM

Haiz~

Been doing subject registration since morning and it's still not settled yet... still have one core module not registered yet.. the system juz doesn't allow me to add that class when there's plenty of vacancies yet.. seems like there's problem with every single subject registration... either cannot logon to the system or other funny things happen... Sighz....

Dun care liao I've emailed everyone I can think of that can do something about it... they better add the class for me lor... can't graduate without that core.... shall wait and see how.... meanwhile logging on to the system once in a while to try until that miracle happens... that shall keeps me occupied til 10pm tonite....

posted by XY @ 5:47 PM

Early in the morning.. and I'm in the school library already... having subject registration later at 10.30am.. sighz... not enough sleep... Christmas drama rehearsal ended at 1.30am last nite.. or rather, this morning... thank God I can stay over at my friend's hostel room for the nite... if not I would have to travel all the way back to Seng Kang juz to sleep 3 hours plus and then have to travel back to Boon Lay again... =P

Subject registration is one of the most stresssful thing in NTU life... worse than examz.... imagine everyone logon to the school website together and fight for the limited vacancies for each module?? when u refresh the check vacancies page the number of vacancies left becomes a big fat ZERO... sighz.... then the next thing to do is to run all the way to Business School General Office which is at the other side of the campus to look for the undergrad manager... only to hear her asking u to send an email to her instead... then U'll rush back to comp lab to check vacancies again hoping that a miracle will happen and that ZERO will suddenly turn to ONE....

The only consolation for the day is that Shu is buying Mac breakfast for me and WY on her way to school... havent eaten that for ages!! *cheap thrill*

posted by XY @ 8:59 AM

Weird Me

Had coffee with LW this afternoon and I'm WIDE AWAKE now.. but dun feel like doing work now.. so here I am crapping again.. *wink*

My FYP partner WY was commenting yesterday that my thinking is weird.. some times I think so too... haha...

I think the number one weird thing about me is that I dislike going cinema for movies... not that I dislike watching movie actually.. but then I juz can't bring myself to sit still thru'out the entire show within a 75cmX75cm space... it's such a torture!! The maximum I can take is those Chinese comedy or romance movies which will last at most 1hr 30min.. Really amaze at how ppl can sit thru the whole LOTR.. let alone those who went for LOTR I, II plus III movie marathon!!! I would rather stay home and watch VCD... yah yah I know the sound isn't that great... at least I can pause now and then to drink water, go toilet, find snacks, walk around, etc etc... For moulin rouge I took 2 days to finish watching... so u all know my kind of efficiency when it come to sitting still to watch movie yah??

For similar reason I chose not to stay in uni hostel when everyone else is staying.. juz can't confine myself to that few hectre of land for 5-6 days a week... I'll feel so oppressed!! I need to travel around, look at scenary and do some people watching... this is my way of de-stressing.. I love to travel on SBS air-con buses and sit on the side where the sun is shining.. feel so warm and fuzzy.. that's what cats do also.. juz think that cats are such smart creatures...

Yah talking about ppl watching!! my favourite!! I'm the kind who will buay paiseh keep staring at others on trains and buses if they interest me.. no no I don't ogle at guys... my "targets" are usually small kids... haha.. sometimes I wonder if all children have to go thru the stage of being aspiring pole dancers when they hop onto MRT... 9 out of 10 kids would go and spin themselves around the grab-poles on the trains like pole dancers... but then again I don't remember myself doing that when I was young.. probably becoz trains in HK are juz too crowded... my parents legs were my grab-poles... haha...

When no one interests me when I'm travelling, I would switch to the daydreaming mode... I'll juz think about everything under the sun (and the moon too!).. shan't share too much abt my daydreams here coz they r all super crappy... they r juz for me to know and NEVER for u to find out... hahaha...

Enough said for the day.. b4 u all get bored with my crapz... will share more when I have the "inspiration".. Haha~

posted by XY @ 12:29 AM

Got back my exam result today... quite pleased with it.... was quite surprised that the school's so efficient (for once)... the result is scheduled to be released tmr actually.... but it was out by lunch time today... got a shock when my FYP partner sms-ed me saying that exam result is released... quickly ran home to check results online... then the school is quite smart... actually made us fill up some online survey form b4 we can access our results... but i think the survey will be super inaccurate... everyone juz can't wait to check their results so anyhow click on the survey form... at least i did... ha...

Went to orchard with LW today... the place was totally jammed with ppl... scary... so packed that they actually blocked up the passage way from Taka to Wisma to ease the "human jam"... dun think i'll dare to step into orchard area til Christmas is over... blehz.... then the real disaster came when LW went to Baker's Inn to collect the log cake her mum ordered... then it rained... got stuck at Paragon.. so in the end we've got no choice but to spend $6 on a Giordano umbrella...

Dropped by at Life Bookshop to check out the latest Christian books also.... was deciding between Darlene Zschech's "Extravagant Worship" and "The Kiss from Heaven".. after pondering for 15 min I still couldn't decide... so in the end din buy any of them... maybe when I have enough money I'll buy both lor... wait and see how...

posted by XY @ 9:24 PM

Juz came back from my church Chirstmas concert... it's the opening nite and it's already super packed with ppl... think the following concerts r gonna be even better.... *smilez*

In the concert Pastor Sun sang a couple of songs and shared how God changed her life and brought her out of depression... think her life story really moved the hearts of everyone there... it's great to see how God can use a once depressed girl to do great things for Him... helping the poor and needy, counselling ppl, etc etc....

Brought this friend along to this concert.. think she enjoyed herself there too... and she's coming back next week for our Christmas drama production!! Yay!!! *grinz*

Shall try to sleep early... though it's probably another sleepless night... coz exam results are out tmr.... everytime I expect myself to be more cool and calm than the previous semester... but then again the night b4 the release of the results I'll still lose sleep over it... sighz.... nevermind... it'll be the 2nd last time that it'll happen.... hopefully.... =P

posted by XY @ 12:18 AM

Had a long talk with SK online last nite...

muz say something abt this guy... he's the one that discipled me when I was a young Christian... he's like a big brother to me... stood by me thru all those setbacks when I started off in ministry.... or rather, I look for him everytime I need advices and godly counsel... I think he also finds me very ma2 fan2... but bo bian lah... haha... but really muz say that he's been a great brother.... someone who still bother to find out about what's going on in my life and ensure that everything is fine with me even when he's away in Sydney... with a brother like that what else can i ask for??

He's still someone I look up to til today.... and I still look for him for advices and godly counsel.... he can't "ditch" me lor... muahahaha... bo bian lah... my brother what.... what to do??

posted by XY @ 1:09 PM

Taking a break from Christmas cards writing.. wrote a handful only... not very productive.. or rather I think I'm juz a little too lor sor... like writing essays like that.. =P

A guy friend mentioned that Christmas cards writing is such an agony for guys... coz they r not good with words.. blah blah blah... yah yah I agree so... but guys, do realise that Christams cards writing can be an agony for girls as well.. it takes time and effort man.. so guys pls do appreciate when girls write.. we don't juz write coz we r boliao yah..

Know this guy friend who never fail to write Christams cards for his friends.. not that he's alot better with words... but he'll willing to put in the effort... really commendable.. *clap clap clap*

Back to second half of Christmas card writing~

posted by XY @ 11:54 PM

New Look

Yah I know I've said that I should give myself a break and change the look of my blog when I'm more free after Christmas.. then again it's me lor.. can't stand leaving things undone... so here it is *Ta Da*

Ha it look a little on the girlie side huh?! abit unlike the XY everyone knows... but ahem XY has got a feminine side ok?! Ha...

Spent quite abit of time with this thing actually... though the template is taken from Blog Designs... but I'm juz lousy with html stuff lor... very lazy to really read up on it so juz anyhow change the template... in the end it took some time for everything to look right...

Going off already.. tonite shall be devoted on Christmas cards writing... better get it done soon... coz next few days will be super busy with fyp and Christmas concert and rehearsal for Christmas drama... *blehz*

posted by XY @ 8:21 PM

Back from the Christmas drama rehearsal... everything went pretty smoothly today... the choir is getting most of the parts right... and the drama ppl are doing better each time... think it will be quite a professional production when we stage it next week...

Was talking to this girl from service 2 choir today... think she's from the most recent intake... guess what?? she's from HK also!! Ha ha... folk from my hometown...

*yawn* better go sleep now... gotta wake up early tmr to do FYP.... sighz...

posted by XY @ 1:23 AM

Down with a minor flu today... poor weather lately... been between this i'm-ok-yet-i'm-not-feeling-quite-well state for quite some time.... Popped some pills this morning getting slightly better now... hope will get better later on coz will be having Christmas drama rehearsal... today pastor is coming down to take a look at it...

Was looking at a friend's new blog juz now... looks cool.... for a moment I want to revamp the look of my blog... ok it only lasted for a moment.... then i told myself I should give myself a break... not feeling well already still wanna try to be funny... and somemore gotta online discuss the FYP stuff with my project mates... shall do it when I'm less busy..... wonder when the day will come.... hmmm....

got this KO feeling again.... gonna rest abit first before going down to church later.........

posted by XY @ 3:24 PM

Listening to the Christmas songs album a friend compiled... hmm... very nice songs... feeling very "christmasy" now...

Yesterday's service was fantastic! During worship we sang this pretty old worship song... "I love you Lord, and I lift my voice....." There and then felt that God spoke to me that though the year hasn't exactly been a year of accomplishment for me, it is the journey that counts.. and the fact that I continue to stand firm in Him and loving Him more is pleasing in His eyes... and He will still use me to do great work for Him...

Then during the preaching Pastor Derek spoke about the kind of people God uses... it was like a confirmation of what God spoke to me... Yes in deed this year I've experience one of the biggest blow in my walk with God and my ministry... well I think it's time I get up on my feet again and move on...

Got this feeling that 2004 is gonna be the best year yet... *smilez*

posted by XY @ 10:45 AM

"Look at what you've been through,
and learn from the past,
but don't carry it around."

Came across this juz now... isn't it true?? we may fall and we get up and walk again... but we never really walk out of the shadow of the past bad experiences...

Some of us failed and never try again... some of us got hurt and never love again... some of us lost faith in others and never trust again...

How sad if life has to go on this way?

My dear girl I know this year hasn't been a fantastic year for us... how many times did we send each other those SOS sms when we r depressed?? thank God for a faithful friend like u who alwayz stand by me thru good and bad times... hope u'll keep these words in ur heart... yah... "don't carry it around"... it's time to move on... moving on with hope in ur heart... not juz move on becoz u have to move on...

We have a far better life ahead... *smilez*

posted by XY @ 3:49 PM

Been a long day.. was stuck at the school comp lab the whole day doing fyp.. only to realise that we r doing the stuff wrongly.. gotta redo... there goes one day of effort... well then again thank God we discovered it... if not i can't imagine what'll happen....

My brother got enlisted into NS today... the house suddenly seems alot quieter.... actually woke up in the morning to find that I'm home alone... my parents went to send my brother to pulau tekong... my sis went to work... the feeling is abit weird... hope I'll get used to it soon.....

Yah I better get used to it man... coz my parents may be going back to HK after I graduate... plus my brother gotta be away to do his duty to serve the nation... i.e. left with me and my sis.... then my sis being the hyperactive type will find herself getting involved in all kinds of activities... so I'll probably be the only one left at home... imagine after work going back to a "home" that's quiet and empty... sighz.... guess God made me an independent girl for a reason....

Well well well.... shan't dwell on the unhappy thing.... on a lighter note, weekend is coming.... in fact i dun need to go back school tmr... gonna do my FYP stuff at home... hopefully can squeeze out some time for Christmas shopping...this year's budget is quite tight but should be ok lah... yah yah so u all smart ppl wanna drop some hints to me better do so b4 the weekend... haha....

posted by XY @ 7:45 PM

Was going thru the pile of letters and cards I received over the years... Saw those letters that u wrote to me while u were away... the papers are turning yellowish... but they never fail to bring back sweet memory...

u really spent much effort to decorate each of them... all with ur every own design... never knew u can draw... I love the one with the Juliet's bell rose... so sweet...

but what really touched me most was the words u wrote.... I've never felt so appreciated b4... u thanked time and again me for standing by u in times of trouble... actually I felt kinduv guilty coz if I had really cared that much, I would have been there for u b4 u made that wrong step... in fact, I was among the last to know abt it... i know u didn't want me to worry.... as alwayz.... when u broke up i was also among the last to know... u only tell me the happy things... yah that time when u two patched up u sms-ed me almost immediately...

Then u wrote in the letter that "when all is gone, I'll alwayz be there for u"... it's been a long time since then.... lotsa things had changed over the years... including our friendship... but no matter what i still believe that u'll be there if i call... and u still care as u alwayz do in a quiet way...

Yah... but i dun think i'll ever call... coz i know u r doing well and i dun wanna disturb ur peaceful life... as long as i know u r well taken care of it's ok... u r the kind who need someone to watch over u.... now that i know that u've made great friends in ur new environment... and u r happy... other things don't matter anymore.... even if we don't really keep in touch anymore... even when i only hear about u from friends.... even when u r now my friend's friend...

Do continue praying for me k?? like u did while u were away....

posted by XY @ 6:34 PM

Losing my voice.... after 2 nights of Christmas drama rehearsal and the KTV session with my sis yesterday.... voice totally gone now.... Tried to sing but sounds like a bass.... haha....

Yah went KTV yesterday with my sis to celebrate... she finally passed her driving test!!! accompanied her to this KTV in chinatown which is like super cheap... $3.95 for 3 hrs!!! plus one free drink too... super super hua2 shuan4!!! beat the one that I usually go to at tanjong katong hands down!!

Today will be my last day of break b4 pai-ing my FYP again... been free the past few days coz my beloved FYP partner is busy celebrating her 21st birthday.... and actually I'm supposed to go for a job interview at Deutsche... but then yesterday they phoned to say that it's been postponed to January.... Ha... Thank God.... coz I'm not very prepared also... =P

Blehz.... think I better go drink more pi pa gao.... my throat cannot tahan already........

posted by XY @ 12:59 PM

Ho ho ho~ Christmas is coming!!!!

Went for my church Christmas drama production rehearsal last nite.. it was fantastic.. wait a min... yah yah i know u guys muz be thinking since when XY can act... I'm not acting.. will be helping out in the back-up choir for the drama.. =)

Really like the songs we r doing this year... very lively... and great vocal arrangement too.... the choir really sounded good last nite!! and it's only the first nite of rehearsal!!

The rehearsal last nite really reminds me of all the choir practices back in VJ... esp those days in preparation for concerts and competitions.... every saturday sing from morning til nite at Siglap CC... tiring but everybody had fun.... all the excitement about the songs and the choreo and the costumes and everything!! Remember in JC2 our concert repertoire consisted of all kinds of languages: English, Chinese, Malay, Latin, Italian, French, Hokkien, Cantonese, Hakka... plus those "language-less" songs like "Song without word" and "organ Fugue".... I spent all the lecture time memorising lyrics for the week b4 the concert!! Choreo is something that kills us every year.... juz cannot make it with all the dance steps.... and dancing with those funny costumes!!! Ha.. i think we look like we have a joint or two missing in our bodies....

By dinner time everyone would be in the crazy mood.... super high and start cracking all the lame jokes... yah yah.... and all the attempt to rush to Bedok to have dinner and rush back to Siglap within an hour!! eventually we all resigned to fate and start getting bread and cup noodles from the petrol station opposite the road.....

After dinner would be the last bit of prac... and perhaps the best part of the day.... everyone is into the mood.... Remember in JC1 there was once when we sang Nachtwache during the night session at Siglap.... everyone juz put in their all.... and the mood was juz so right.... it's as if Brahms was there listening to us sing as well.... Another time we were in the school foyer standing in a circle to sing Ascendit Deus... it juz sounded so heavenly...

Then the big day will come when we will be at VCH the whole day... all the squatting around eating packed lunch at the stairway... The last round of dry run and then we'll be busy changing into our gown and doing make-up and getting ready for the show...

Then the curtain open... it's great to see that all ur friends r there to support u even though the ticket is going at $15 each... we'll be singing and singing all nite and b4 we know it... it's the end of the show... Time seems to fly but every moment was simply magical.. and it's awesome to see the pleased look on Nelson's face and know that we didn't let him down...

Really miss singing with u guys in VJChoir.. hope to sing with u all again this Christmas for carolling... perhaps Christmas Eve at Ritz?? Better check out the schedule with our great-grand-juniors and great-great-grand-juniors... Ha.....

posted by XY @ 11:01 AM

Juz came home... a little tired but dun feel like sleeping early... have something on my mind... juz gotta get it out..

was listening to a friend's story.. kinduv sympathise with her situation... she has someone on her mind.. really like him alot but juz never have the courage to express her feelings towards him... not even being extra nice to him... let alone telling him her feeling... she's always been the shy type.. since day 1 I knew her...

Then he's gonna be away for some times... she knew that if she doesn't say it, she'll never have a chance to... after all the nagging from the group of us friends, she finally decided to at least be nicer to him b4 he goes...

then today she told me that she doesn't feel like trying anymore... she feels that he has other girl-friends that treat him really nice.. which makes her effort seems insignificant....

Yah I feel like telling her to give it another try... after all he's a nice guy.. but I dun want her to get hurt either... haiz...

posted by XY @ 10:44 PM

Nice Little Things for ur Loved Ones
Hmm.. it's been a while since I last blog here.. well, guess I was pretty upset by myself writing the depressive entry the last time... but then again, it's only when I wrote it down I began to realise where the problem lies...

Yah I realise I have a habit of hiding my emotions.. especially the negative ones... and seldom do I share with others... I always tell myself that these feelings will only last for a while and they will go away... no point talking abt it... then these feelings start to accumulate inside me....

Juz a few days ago I realise that u r going thru pretty much the same stuff... and when I asked u why didn't u share ur feelings, u said there's no one u can share with.....

I think there's always someone there for u girl.. it's juz that we r getting less expressive of our love for others... u noe, we juz keep our feelings in our hearts... we care alot but we don't say it out... we stopped doing nice little things to make our loved ones feel special...

Yah the thought of this phenomenon simply freaked me out... since when did I become like that as well?? In an attempt to do some damage control, I decided to do more of those nice little things for my loved ones.. Task #1 was to bake chocolate chip cookies for them... blehz... thought it'll be easy... I ended up battling in the kitchen for more than 3 hrs.. only to realise that the cookies lose their crispiness within 2 hrs... well at least I tried... and I believe the effort is worth it as long as it makes someone smile....

Look forward to doing more for them... making nice little cards... helping them with little chores... and so much more....

All I want is a smile from u in return... =)

posted by XY @ 9:13 AM

I'm tired.... I'm tired of being tired... my brain juz won't come to a standstill.... my project, my studies, my future, my love life (or the lack of it)... I wish I can juz stop thinking for a moment....

so tired I feel like my whole system is in a mess now... my head feels heavy and I feel like throwing up.... *sick*

Why has it alwayz gotta be like this??? when others have problems, they alwayz come to me for a solution, and expect me to give a workable solution.... but when I have problems, all of a sudden everyone juz vapourise into thin air... or they juz simply say "I dunno leh... no comment..." and expect that I'll survive on my own......

Come on.... I am only human...... I need a break......

So what if I am capable?? So what if I am independent??? I am human and I have feeling!!!!! I do feel down.... yah most of the times I look alright... but it doesn't mean I dun have my own problem to solve and I dun need care and love.....

For goodness sake pls stop treating me like a rubbish bin where u can dispose of all ur problems.....

posted by XY @ 4:39 PM